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Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
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1:07 pm
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GO STEELERS!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
my dad: "watching the Bills is like watching the Giants. It's okay at first, and then they just piss you off."
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 19th, 2004
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7:42 pm
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See ya fucking later.
The only reason I'm not deleting this journal is so that I can keep it around for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) sgirls, and maybe a comment here and there.
Those of you that I trust: I'll let you know my next move. The rest of you can fuck directly off, because I've learned the most important lesson: the biggest mistake I've made is sharing any part of my life publicly. As much as I hate to admit it, my mother was right. I used to think it was cathartic to get things off my chest to everyone, but the payoff is nowhere near worth the cost.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 27th, 2004
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6:42 pm
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Oh my.
I don't even know what to say about being home. I think most of the time I've been here, I've been one of two things: working or drunk. Not exactly what I expected, but hey, whatever. Said states have been the cause of this break being completely bizarre - in a good way, though, for the most part.
Case and (lack of) point: I left my phone in my friend's friend's car last night after she dropped us off. When I got it back this morning, I checked to see who'd called. Strangely enough, my most recent missed call was from "Where should i have Th". Yeah, I don't know either. Somehow along the way last night, "Ted" became "Where should i have Th" ... ?!
Ran into several old friends. Played several odd games of catch-up. Made some strange acquaintances and performed some even stranger introductions ... oh, yeah, and Candid was fucking good.
And then I stumble in at 4:30 from the skeeeeeeeeviest strip club on the north side. Matt was there. I couldn't stop laughing. In case you don't get just how sketchy I mean this place is ... it makes the Sundowner look high class. And the clientele. Eccccch. Ever seen Freak Talks About Sex (a.k.a. Blowin' Smoke)? That's it, to the fucking letter.
I have to write more of this down before I forget it, because I will ...
I never say as much as I want to.
current mood:  so lost
current music: Les Savy Fav - Meet Me in the Dollar Bin
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| Monday, November 15th, 2004
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2:09 am
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I'm changing my name to Kevin DuBrow. I told you I was cool.
<4!
Oh, and BY THE WAY: I'm on Myspace now. Hit me up, hoes.
current mood: AND AWESOME
current music: Fugazi - Five Corporations
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| Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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11:17 am
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I just have to comment on some things I'm seeing that are bothering me.
Un.
Reading the updates this morning, I saw this in several different journals, in several different variations, on my friends list: that the people considering leaving the country are "giving up" or "abandoning" or "running away".
Reading that kind of bothered me, because I don't want people to think that I'm some sort of deserter when my visa apps get sent in next spring. Anyone who knows me well knows that I've had my heart set on Toronto for a few years now, and my main reasons for wanting to go there have nothing to do with the current regime. The place I want to settle just happens to lie outside U.S. borders; I'm not choosing it because it does.
Deux.
I don't know whether this is just me, or whether I'm blocking out something subconsciously ... but I'm finding it harder and harder to understand the "conservative" viewpoint. There are precious few things that I agree with in terms of Republican values, standpoints, etc. I don't think I'm blinded by liberal media, I really don't read that much of it. But I am really starting to feel that ... well, it sounds horrible, but it sure seems like people who are more intelligent tend to lean the same way on the political spectrum. And that way ... it just ain't right, double entendre intended.
Go ahead, attack the shit out of me for that one, it's just something I've been noticing, I don't know if it's true, I could be wrong, I could just be an asshole.
EDIT: Oh, oh wait, shit, here are some numbers. Credibility unknown, but it's not that hard to put something like that together.
Trois.
Since when is giving up "The American Way" ... ?
Quatre.
I had to take out my ice scraper last night. It's raining today, so that's fine and all, but the fact that the scraper had to be used ... yeah.
current mood:  hungry
current music: Bright Eyes - Method Acting
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| Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
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10:37 am
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I was there. I was fucking there, in Youngstown, Ohio, in a "Kerry - Victory in Ohio" t-shirt. The people there - I don't even know how to describe what I've seen. I don't.
All I know is that my nerves are shot, because I was there. I was fucking there.
And now it all comes down to fucking there.
current mood:  intimidated
current music: The Refused - Liberation Frequency
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
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3:44 am
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I know. I've heard it. Lack of updates. Attribute it to lack of words. Since September, everything has been turned upside down. Everything fell apart. I am still trying to pick up the pieces and salvage what I can. Those of you who have asked: thank you for your concern, but I don't want to talk until I'm ready. You'll know. I promise.
- I have decided that there is no way I will stay in this city after I graduate, unless it involves a massive amount of money. If I'm going to be stuck in Upstate NY, I will take Syracuse or even Rochester a thousand times before I will resign myself to this shithole. By my sophomore year, I grew to love it here; now, after learning my way around and seeing the way things work, it makes me sick. There are things deep beneath the surface that I didn't find until I was here for a while.
- I quit math because I had to prioritize. I was spending an irrational, nonsensical amount of time trying to understand that shit when I should have been spending more time on my art classes. Judging by the fact that I will never again use the quadratic equation, I resigned.
- Oh, yeah, I quit my job, too. I'm only working at the Spectrum now, and after some thought, I don't think I'm going to work until break. I need to concentrate on doing my best work now, and I'm sick of the constant burnout. I can make up the money during Xmas - which I am, of course, dreading - and worry about job hunting then.
- As a result of the sudden discovery of what "free time" is, I've gotten back into sports. I never thought I'd miss being an athlete so much. I managed to find an amazing deal on a good solid pair of figure skates, and Monday nights mean intramural volleyball with the Culprits. It's so much fun, and not because we're dicking around, but because we're actually playing and putting effort into it and it feels fucking amazing. It may be what's saving me right now.
- I'm learning to be a bit less of a tightwad and not feel so guilty about spending what I feel is an inordinate amount of money.
- The Now it's Overhead/Rilo Kiley show may just have made my year. The Good Life is Wednesday. Beyond that, there's nothing more I can say.
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3:02 am
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| Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
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12:08 pm
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I'm coming out of hiding, not to update (that can wait a bit), but to say something that I feel is really, really important to those of us who go to UB.
I'm going to spell this out in the simplest terms imaginable. Because there's no reason all of us can't take two menial fucking minutes out of our day to stop in the Union and click a few levers and then move on to other things. You'll probably be on North Campus at some point on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday of next week, so just fucking do it. I'm busy too, but this doesn't take an hour. Not even close. And at least 10% of the student body needs to do it, which is unlikely (but it means that just a few of us can make a big difference.)
Simplest terms: next week is the scheduled referendum re-vote.
What are we voting on?
Three things:
1. Whether or not to keep the mandatory activity fee of $69.75.
2. Whether or not to raise the mandatory activity fee to $79.75.
3. Whether or not to keep the $1 part of that fee that is paid to run The Spectrum.
Okay, so, what happens in each case?
1. If we KEEP the mandatory activity fee, SA remains in existence. Clubs retain funding, and there is money for such activities as Fall/Spring Fests, the SA Book Exchange, Unity Jam, free tickets to events, all that jazz.
If we do NOT keep the mandatory activity fee, SA is dissolved. All student activities would be controlled by UB's administration. There are no clubs except for ones that choose to do all their own fundraising.
2. If we RAISE the mandatory activity fee, SA has more money to spend (obviously.) Now, this goes two ways. The question is, if you vote for the increase, is do you trust SA to use this money wisely? To distribute it fairly to those who need it? Or will they squander it on more designer polos and birthday cake? I'm not being biased here. Either you do or you don't. Burgio says he promises to cut costs. I'm not him, I don't work there, I don't know what's really going to happen, so that's up to you.
If we DON'T raise the mandatory activity fee, things stay as they are. Same amount of money as in previous years ($2+ million, the increase knocks it closer to $3 mil.)
3. If we KEEP the Spectrum fee, one dollar is taken out of everyone's mandatory fee and is given to the Spectrum. The paper keeps running as normal.
If we do NOT keep the Spectrum fee, the paper operates solely on ad revenue, which is not enough to cover the costs of printing. It most likely goes under within a year. (Yes, this HAS happened before, more than once. Have you ever heard of the Current? Nope, that's why.) There will be no source of hard news on campus, just the Generation and Visions.
Now, here comes the most important part.
THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE VOTING NEXT WEEK WILL BE PEOPLE WHO ARE EITHER A PART OF SA, OR INVOLVED IN CLUB LEADERSHIP.
This isn't my bias. This is what happens EVERY TIME we, the students, vote on anything. This is why the same people on the same tickets keep getting elected. Because the same people vote every time, and they make up the majority because NO ONE ELSE DOES!
Hence, this is what's going to happen next week:
THE FEE WILL NOT ONLY BE KEPT, BUT INCREASED.
The Spectrum is a toss-up, but the fee is likely to be kept.
Therefore, if you oppose either the fee or the increase or both, you MUST vote! This outcome is inevitable unless enough people come out that aren't already involved in SA.
So just do it. It's not hard. It's not going to hurt.
And remember that if you don't vote, you have no right at all to bitch and moan and complain about this stuff, because you didn't even try to change it.
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of next week, in the Union.
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| Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
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2:28 am
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Living alone is fucking divine. "To being single" - I'll drink to that. I've always been sick of dating, but moreso now I'm fucking sick to hell of crushes that I know I'll never want to go anywhere. It's senseless.
The wedding is this Saturday. So excited. Wendy, Trish, and I are crazily psyched over the fact that there's enough of a break between the wedding itself and the reception that we can each wear two different dresses. Here's to not having to choose one. I have the most amazing dress for the evening, and the perfect shoes; it makes me want to go out Sex and the City style. Mad class, top shelf, all style.
Spent the day out on the porch with six blocks of Fimo clay and six friends. We made some fabulous millefiori, in addition to a porcupine, camel, and freshwater stream - the mascots of the fab new beer pong table. That shit is hot, if you haven't seen it yet, you're missing out. The Blue Moon party on Saturday marked the return of Elise, and an interesting sequence of events related to high school - long since past. Chaos went down in the form of chalk drawings, condensed tomato soup and vodka, "want a hot dog?", climbing through windows, sk-inemax porn, and sitting on the floor at Mobil. Two of my friends shit blue the next day. Yeah, it was that good.
I just got entirely distracted - I've got MTV2 on, waiting for Beavis and Butt-head, and they just played an Aesop Rock video, followed by The Streets' "Fit but You Know It." I couldn't manage to peel away from that one.
I need new sneakers. I don't really know what kind I want yet.
Yeah, that's it.
No, wait, I wanted to add that I had a dream the other night and now I randomly miss Mike Perone a whole bunch. Whatever happened to him?
Okay, now that's all.
current mood:  listless
current music: Soul Coughing - Pensacola
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| Friday, July 30th, 2004
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1:45 am
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I had an incredibly frustrating art history class last night. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm a senior taking Survey II, who's been through semesters upon semesters of conceptualism banged through my skull again and again and again ... I'm thankful for that, it's going to help me a lot in life - in fact, it already has. It's just so frustrating that when my entire time here has been spent on concept, concept, concept, deconstruction, concept, postmodernism, concept, concept ... I understand it so well that I can't even fathom how anyone else doesn't. So when someone wants to start a 45 minute argument that's nothing short of a waste of time, I can't help being angry. The class suddenly split into the art and art history majors, an architecture major, and a few other open-minded and/or quiet people along with the teacher versus ... well, the rest. I wanted to explain it to the rest of them in the simplest terms, but they just weren't listening. The thing I was most frustrated with was that they were seeming to think they could change everything. It's fucking Art History 102. The reason why we're looking at this stuff in ART history - allow me to stress, ART HISTORY! - is because someone (or just about everyone) has called it art. Just learn it and accept it. If you really have a problem with understanding how it's art, talk to the teacher after class. Don't waste everyone else's time. Or pick up a fucking copy of Practices of Looking and open your mind a little. I promise it won't hurt too much.
Sometimes I wonder if some people are living in the same world as I am. The phrase "warped sense of reality" comes to mind - I'm not saying I'm immune to it, but sometimes I just want to shake some people and say, "where the fuck are you? Come back!"
Other than that, things have been good. Really good. I went home and had a fabulous time grilling and fishing with my family, going to Harborfest with Alana (I swear all of Oswego County smells like beer for the whole weekend), catching up with Katie, and going out for live jazz and drinks with Ted. Picked up about two hundred dollars' worth of the most amazing silverware from Oneida for less than twelve dollars. I also came back with the hottest shoes imaginable, which I've had my eyes on for months ... my mom bought them for me when she saw them and realized they were the perfect thing to go with my dress for the wedding next weekend - both the dress and the shoes are black with hot pink lining. Pure sex. I'm so excited for the wedding. It'll be sad, though, because it'll be the last time the old crew will all be together at the same time. Of course, there's also the fact that it's Joe and Katie's wedding. JOE AND KATIE'S WEDDING! Jesus. And this Saturday night is the Blue Moon Party, which has the potential to go down in Phantom history.
My mother and I had a long conversation while I was home about how I feel guilty asking for really big things. After getting a lot out, it looks like there will be either grad school (for a Linguistics M.A.) or studying abroad (my heart was set on Australia) in my future. It's time to do a little reasearch into these things that I always dismissed as too far out of reach.
Tomorrow, an 8 AM parking hearing. We'll see how well I can charm 'em. After that, I'm sure I'll have to do more kitchen cleaning. It took me two hours to get the worst of the grease stains off the stove. Some of that shit was so bad that it was shredding my scouring pads. My roommate is working on the cabinets now. Tomorrow, the floors and the refrigerator. I am now in possession of the heaviest-duty cleaners available. Look out, slime.
current mood: tired
current music: The Decemberists - Los Angeles, I'm Yours
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 15th, 2004
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11:55 am
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If you know me at all, you'll know how happy this makes me:
THE ROOMMATES ARE MOVING OUT!
It's time to collect all my dishes and remove them from the kitchen because I have a feeling that if I don't, they're going to walk right away with someone else.
current mood: FINALLY!
current music: Peaches - Sucker
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| Saturday, June 26th, 2004
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1:42 am
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I wrote an update yesterday, thought better of it, and deleted it.
Something that's been on my mind: the other day, I was chatting with an acquaintance at Coffee& (which is a fab little hangout down on the Elmwood strip, quite a refreshing alternative to Spot.) Anyway, it somehow came up that I was single, and he seemed really shocked and taken aback ... which, of course, I found to be really odd. He asked me, "how's it possible that you're single?" And all I could think was ... "how could I not be?" It's still never been in my nature. I've still only spent fewer than five months of my life being involved, not counting superficialish forays into extended dating. Now, suddenly, I really feel pushed. So many people seem to be pressuring me towards "actively looking" for something when that's just not what I do. I'm not running anymore, it's just that my independence is back with a vengeance and I'm not the kind of person who needs to feel needed. I am not one of those girls who feels inadequate if she doesn't have a boy fawning over her. I don't need a companion. If I find someone, great, but otherwise I don't see how it's worth the hassle. And, as per usual, I don't forsee meeting anyone anytime soon because I am still very. Fucking. Picky. Why bother wasting the time if it's not going to be anything worthwhile?
I'm not saying it wouldn't be cool if I did meet someone. It would. It's just that when everyone else is hinting that I should, and of course I can't deny that there are little aspects and nuances that make me jealous at times ... it's fucking strange and surreal. I don't know if I could put it any other way. When I start something with someone, there's a lot of things that have got to be right - a lot of requirements, so to speak, that must be met for things to get in gear. Otherwise the crank just doesn't start turning. And I'm quite sure there's no one I know right now that could do that.
Hence, I'm never going to make the phone call I wanted to. Lollapalooza was cancelled and therefore I no longer have an excuse to be calling. He's back home anyway and I'm not going to deal with the baggage that comes with a two-hour drive's difference.
All things considered, I think my acquaintance meant that as a compliment, and I will take it as such. However, I'd be lying if I said that comment didn't get me thinking.
current mood: uncomfortable
current music: "talk shows on mute."
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| Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
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1:12 pm
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( if you're wondering what i've been doing the past six weeks - cut because those who see me daily already know )
I have a tan for the first time in about ten years. It's crazy. I never even got a sunburn. At all. Strange things, these days.
Oh, and I'm sick of a summer wherein I can hardly ever wear shorts. Every day I have to wear capri pants, or I freeze in the evenings.
My hands shake when I try to dial the phone.
I really like the fact that I'm sticking around here all summer. I feel more motivated around here than I did at home, I'm definitely getting a lot more done, and it's cool not having to worry about calling my parents to let them know what I'm up to and when/if I'm coming home and all that. Of course I miss my family, but of course it's really good to be independent too. Another thing is that I don't really have many girl friends sticking around here. I can probably count them on one hand, let's see: Rachel, Wendy, Katie, ummmm ... I see Cait around sometimes ... yeah. And most of us are normally just one of the guys, 'cause that's who we're always hanging out with. There are others, but they're more acquaintances, or people I don't know that well yet. Shirin comes up sometimes, but she's in Rochester most of the time. Julia's back from London, but she's still all the way in Albany, and Jenn leaves for Thailand soon from there if she hasn't already. Erica graduated and went off to Spain. Elise is in Uganda teaching the people there about AIDS. Becka will be back soon but I still have to wait a few weeks! Don't get me wrong, I'm totally cool with being one of the guys, but sometimes I just need someone to go to the outlet mall with! Or to turn on Ani with as we chalk each other up with "GORGEOUS!" and "VAGINA POWER!" ... speaking of that, I was told last week I look like Ani. Never got that one before, but I took it as a big compliment.
I have to overcome my fear and pick up the goddamn phone.
Next week (Thursday-Saturday) is Toronto. The only plans I have made so far is that I'm hopefully going with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) xopalx. We're sort of a disenchanted pair right now in that neither of us is really getting excited about this whole thing. It's like, it's a week away and I haven't even looked for a place to stay yet, which is rather uncharacteristic of me, but I had such a horrible time last year. Whatever, all else fails and I'll sleep on that playground off Dovercourt again, right? I guess it's like ... there are fewer than ten people I really want to see. If I don't go with Laura, I guess I'll probably just stop by Lamport and then hang at Zen Lounge for a while ... or, alternatively, I'll bring some friends with me and take them to Sneek's like I promised I would.
The other thing that's been getting me lately is that I've been having incredibly vivid dreams lately, and while they've all been worlds different, they always involve me kissing someone at some point. Last night it was a mysterious older man. The night before, it was Tobey Maguire in a ski mask, and when he took it off, I was all grossed out that it was him. Ridiculously strange. I don't know whether to look for a deeper meaning or not.
Maybe I should just stop being an idiot and make that call.
I'll leave you with my favorite moment of last night at Broadway Joe's with some of the guys from my softball team. Picture this:
*amidst banter, Owen sees Steve's half-full cup of PBR and decides to fill it back up ... with Newcastle Brown. About three minutes later, Steve drinks some of it.*
Owen: that's good, right?
Steve: yeah man, that's some good shit.
Me: you DO realize you're drinking a mix of half PBR, half Newcastle, right?
Steve: hell yeah, and that shit's better than Pabst alone!
current mood:  moody
current music: Peaches - Kick It
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| Sunday, June 6th, 2004
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8:06 am
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How can we ask for the best, we can't imagine that ...
My mind is so blurred lately that I find it hard to piece together exactly what's going on half the time. I don't know what to blame it on, nor do I think that placing the blame really matters unless it helps relieve the confusion. Sometimes I feel like myself, sometimes I don't, and sometimes I wonder what "feeling like myself" really means to begin with ... or, perhaps, to end with. Beyond myself, I've noticed lately that a handful of my good friends have been changing an awful lot. Things we used to do all the time just aren't happening anymore, and when I choose to make new decisions, I get guilted out like mad for "ignoring" ... honestly, I don't know what I'm expected to do at this point, I don't know what the right thing is anymore. Finally I begin to feel like everything I'm doing isn't going to waste, and then shit like this comes up, and throws me back into ... what? It just doesn't make sense. "The longer you believe we're doing it, the less you'll believe we're doing it." It's not over, it's never over, it just goes in and out. The level of comfort I feel is just so ... different in these situations now, and I begin to wonder if this is how it's supposed to be, if I should stop fighting everything else. I stopped believing in myself, I stopped believing in everything and started to try to just live, and I don't know if that's helping or not. I don't understand what's going on when people ask me, "what do you think about that?", and the answer is always, "I don't know." It makes me feel ridiculous, but I can't find the solution. I had one taste of something everyone wants, and is that it? I can't just throw it all away. Especially when I can't even sleep.
current mood:  discontent
current music: q and not u - Soft Pyramids
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| Sunday, May 16th, 2004
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3:22 am
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Please don't bother trying to find her, she's not there ...
When it all comes down to it, I am still just a little girl who is very broken and very scared. There are still some people who can knock me down SO FAR. And sometimes it really seems there's no amount of me, or anyone else important to me, picking me up that seems to undo the damage those people can do.
An apology came tonight that was more than two years in the making. This is a good thing, especially following such an amazingly tumultuous week.
I came to an amazing realization tonight that has the potential to change everything. Therefore, I have to doubt it will. Why? Just because.
How many more of us need to find out firsthand that we are not invincible?
Lastly, the fates have seemed to be on my side in the most mysterious of ways. That's all I'm counting on right now.
Yes. I do mean for this to be vague.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Malcolm McLaren - About Her
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| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
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1:48 pm
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My arms, my legs, my heart, my face, my name is Driftwood ...
I'm going to make this less of an introspective entry and more of a "this-is-what's-been-going-on-in-my-life" update.
So my 21st birthday came and went, and I didn't do anything crazy for it, I didn't really care to make it memorable by getting sick or otherwise stupid shit that people do when they turn legal. We had a rather large group at Alternative Brews, we ordered Hazelnut Browns and the band sang "happy birthday" to me, so it was pretty chill, and then we returned to the house to a Eugene sugar cookie that Elise had made for me in lieu of a cake ... which was actually REALLY good topped with Cool Whip, strawberries, and kiwis. Won eight straight games of beer pong with Brian, and then four straight games of Euchre. Our card table is the shit, it's made out of a cardboard box that we just keep writing and drawing on with Sharpies whenever the mood strikes.
My parents and youngest sister came in the day before, and now I'm sporting some of the best jewelry ever. My mother had another custom piece made for me at Egon ... it's a white gold claddagh ring (to replace my ailing old sterling one) with three diamonds taken from a ring she had and didn't like. It's gorgeous, I absolutely adore it. And then there's another custom piece, but this one was made by the fabulous pocketmemories ... it's a white and pink pearl necklace on twisted wires, and I feel so cute wearing it, only trouble is that it's too fab for everyday. That can be sort of nice, though. (By the way, girlie, I'm spending a week in Tdot around Canada Day, so I'd better see you at 'Fest! Rough plan right now is to get decked and drink cocktails with xopalx, we're going to be ultra-classy dames that day.)
Easter dinner was at wolfhickey's instead of home this year because of my birthday. It's really cool that her parents were willing to take in us vagrants, so O and Wendy and phantomopus and I got to color eggs and eat ham and potatoes and all that good stuff. Elise's parents are really quite funny, too. It's odd how much parents can change once you get to school and out of the house ... case in point, my mother apologized to me for making all the mistakes on me because I was the oldest. ;) Then we made a kielbasa dinner at the house for Dyngus Day with wallflower37, complete with pussywillow chases. It was a sweet ending to the weekend.
Then this past Saturday was Chips, complete with hangover breakfast at the Olive Garden the following morning ... and christ on a stick, that party went completely haywire somewhere around 11:30. We wound up with a sprained foot, a bleeding head, two housemates in a fight, a kid who couldn't stop puking in the sink, and a broken pair of Hulk hands. Moral of the story is: don't jump off the fucking porch. By the way, if you're a Chips fan, check out that cover art, it's my handiwork!
This coming Saturday is Oozfest (the annual mud volleyball tourney for all you non-UB types), and we did an inaugural shot on Saturday night for the Nads team. GO NADS! Hah! Goal is to get further than we did last year as the Sensual Corners, though we showed quite respectably, winning two and dropping two. Round two: who has bigger guns, me or Evan? Should be no contest, but he's arguing otherwise. Heh.
And it's back to work. Right now, I may have the best project I've ever done in the works. Stay tuned!
current mood:  working
current music: Cursive - Driftwood
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| Saturday, April 10th, 2004
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6:06 pm
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So it's my 21st birthday and stuff. No, I don't have any plans to do 21 shots or anything like that. But I do plan to take advantage of the privelege. Shirin took me out to Friday's for lunch, so we ordered cocktails ;) I was kind of wary handing over my ID, because the waitress was like, "OH COOL, it's your birthday!" but I really didn't want anyone to sing. So she asked if I still wanted a sundae, which I did, of course.
A ton of people went home for Easter dinner, so everyone who's left and legal is coming out tonight ... then we're finishing the night with a party at the house. Ought to be a good night, I hope ... there are a decent amount of people who'll still be around.
I haven't been updating. I haven't really had anything to say, and I don't really now, either. Sometime I probably will, just ... later. A lot of things have changed, mostly for the better. School's almost over, anyway ... and for anyone who doesn't know, I AM living here in Buffalo this summer!
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| Thursday, April 1st, 2004
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10:48 am
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Brooklyn is burning down the discotheque, discotheque ... let's shake it!
It's been really funny today, because almost every year I wake up on April 1st, completely forgetting the point of the day, and getting tricked by whatever's the first prank of the day (for some reason, the first one that comes to mind is when I was a junior in high school and there was this whole radio trick on 107.9 about Leonardo DiCaprio being in downtown Syracuse. Girls were actually talking about cutting class midday to look for him.) But I've been hyperaware since yesterday, 'cause this time the April Fools issue of the paper came out a day early, and I am taking everything with a grain of salt. Case in point: check out LJdrama.
Life is good. In fact, life is fucking great. Things have really been coming back together. Yesterday I felt something I haven't felt in months and months. It was a bit disconcerting that it was happening, but that feeling is so typically me, and realizing that it'd been missing so long was just like ... wow. The other important thing is that I've managed to regain my confidence. On a totally shallow note, the fact that it's spring really helps everything. I'm waiting for the perfect day to wear my black capri pants with wedge sandals and this awesome shirt I got yesterday. Everything feels better when it's warm out ...
Elections are over, Elevation swept, I am a little confused as to how people could be SO STUPID to choose Dangler over Guzman, but there's nothing we can do about that now. Here I was thinking that everyone was pretty well informed, seeing as Lorenzo got just about EVERY endorsement except for the Generation, and Jessica got NONE, I guess people were moved by the fact that her name was next to Burgio's ... and here we were all thinking that everyone would know better than that. I'm beginning to think that this is a completely lost cause.
We started a new night at the house - Euchre TuesdayZ - the "Z" courtesy of Orion. We made a card table out of a cardboard box in the basement and properly graffitied it. It now features: Matt Damon, Eh! Steve, the swan from Billy Madison, Senior/Senor Pear, and a whole bunch of instructions (i.e. "Don't go stealin' the ice cream scoop", and a guide to the suits for Joe, who we had to draw one for after I watched him call clubs on ONLY the 10. He meant to call spades ... it was hilarious, because he's the only one I know who'd do that.)
I wish my necklace would come in the mail today.
I don't have class today, nor do I have to go to Old Navy.
So I'm going to lie back down and watch American Beauty and read.
Then ... I'm gonna go to St. Catherine's.
The rollercoaster seems to be over. Things evened out. I don't feel like I'm outside myself anymore, and I don't feel out of control, and I don't feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I should feel, and I LOVE IT.
current mood:  impressed
current music: Head Automatica - Brooklyn is Burning
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| Monday, March 29th, 2004
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1:41 am
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I almost didn't write this down, it's hard to look at black ink, I know I'll find it someday and wonder what I was thinking about ...
PSA:
Go see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Don't walk, RUN.
I'm not even close to kidding. You will NOT be sorry. GO NOW.
Drop the $8. It'll be the best $8 you ever spent. Just prepare yourself to feel every emotion you've ever felt at once. Prepare to be royally, royally mindfucked. I promise you. Fucking go.
I feel entirely drained. My mind is mush. I thought I was rocked when I walked out of Fight Club, and this hardly even compares. Unbefuckinglievable.
I had the most fabulous day, too. O and Wendy and I spent a few hours escaping up to Niagara Falls, sitting on the roof of a dive called Jack's Cantina just shooting the shit over a few drinks. After a night like Friday night, followed by a night like last night, followed by a night like tonight, I am just nothing short of absolutely amazed. I am surrounded by so many people who are nothing short of just that - absolutely amazing. If there are things I'm doing right in this world, friends like these are proof. And it's reassuring to know that most of them will be here next year - that's something that hurts, knowing that so many of my closest friends will be graduating this year. Thank heaven several of them will be sticking around. (And on that note ... we got our new EIC at the Spectrum - hurrah! - and he wants me to stick around for next year too, which I will. Hurrah!)
Wow. Just ... wow. At this point, there is only one thing that is bothering me. And I'm hoping that that can be worked through soon, too.
Keep on moving laterally.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Candid - Recent Studies
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